PAP CULTURE: May 2006

Depp the best Diaz the worst

Johnny Depp has the write stuff when it comes to signing autographs while Cameron Diaz is the worst, according to a new list from Autograph Collector magazine.

Depp, followed by George Clooney, topped the magazine's 14th annual survey of Hollywood's best and worst signers. The "Pirates of the Caribbean" star also was rated best last year.

"Many stars become bad signers once fame and fortune hits, but not Depp. He's even signed autographs for crowds at the airport while carrying luggage," said Steve Cyrkin, editor and publisher of the Santa Ana, Calif.-based magazine.

As for Clooney, "he'll joke as he signs, and make fun of how he looks in photos he's handed to autograph," Cyrkin said.

When it comes to her moniker, however, Diaz gets a flunking grade.

"Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress, but she's persistently a terrible signer. Instead of just turning down a person's autograph request, she'll lecture them about how dumb autographs are," Cyrkin said.

Russell Crowe would have been named as the best of the worst but in recent months he has been much nicer to fans, probably because his career is on the slide.

Cyrkin said the list, which appears in the magazine's June issue, was based on information from a professional autograph collector and an enthusiastic amateur who is a journalist.

"They're the guys who want to get five or 10 or 12 of everything but they do see people" and know the "track records" of the stars, he said.

"It's looking at the spirit of the way they sign," Cyrkin said. "It's how they treat their fans."

Here is the list of 10 best and 10 worst Hollywood autograph signers for 2006, according to the magazine:

Best:
1. Johnny Depp
2. George Clooney
3. Matt Damon
4. Al Pacino
5. Tom Cruise
6. Angelina Jolie
7. Elijah Wood
8. Brittany Murphy
9. Jack Nicholson
10. Clint Eastwood

Worst:
1. Cameron Diaz
2. Bruce Willis
3. Demi Moore
4. Tobey Maguire
5. Alan Alda
6. Halle Berry
7. Winona Ryder
8. Teri Hatcher
9. Joaquin Phoenix
10. Russell Crowe

NEWSFLASH - Indonesian Earthquake

YOGYAKARTA, Indonesia -- A powerful earthquake flattened homes and hotels in central Indonesia early Saturday as people slept, killing at least 2,900 and injuring thousands more in the nation's worst disaster since the 2004 tsunami.

Is It over for Britney & Kev?

'Their relationship has totally broken down,' a pal tells the Daily Mirror.

'Britney desperately wanted it to work and still does for the sake of their family, but she has had enough of him and the awful friends he hangs around with.'

Meanwhile, another source tells The Sun: 'Things have suddenly turned very sour.

'It looks bad.'

Britney's publicist has so far refused to comment.

Geri names the babe

New mother, ex-Spice Girl and proof that ambition is more important than talent, Geri Halliwell has named her new baby girl Bluebell Madonna.
The star has chosen the name Bluebell Madonna after spotting the flowers during her pregnancy and because "Scarlett O'Hara was my heroine and I seem to recall she had a daughter named Blue." She picked Madonna as a middle name after the baby was delivered with her arms in the air "as if she was shouting 'Hello Wembley!" and she's a big fan of Madonna (somebody else with more ambition than talent!).

Alternative baby names:

TV Guide (to make sure it gets in the papers!)
Career (so she can say shes got one!)
Cynical publicity stunt (because thats what it is!)

Madonna crucifies herself

Madonna kicked off her first world tour in two years. The 47-year-old dance diva spent two hours churning out most of the tunes from her new album, Confessions on a Dancefloor, as well as a few old hits such as Like a Virgin, Ray of Light and Lucky Star.

Out popped Madonna, in S&M-styled riding gear and whip, singing the new tune Future Lovers as four bare-breasted male dancers writhed around with ball gags in their mouths.

Later on, she donned a crown of thorns and suspended herself from a giant mirrored cross to deliver the ballad Live to Tell. Madonna has defended this stunt by saying that Jesus wouldn't mind (May God strike her down dead!).

During one of her half-dozen costume changes, another video montage juxtaposed images of Bush, members of his administration and British Prime Minister Tony Blair with footage of Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe. Midway through the new song I Love New York, she deviated from the script and made a crude reference to Bush and oral sex.

True to form the press have gotten themselves into a frenzy over her antics, giving Mrs Ritchie all the free publicity she relies on.

My advice is to do what this, overpaid and overrated, attention seeker fears the most - IGNORE HER!